What I Learned from watching movies
Things you would never know if it weren't for the movies.
Large, loft apartments in New York City are plentiful and affordable, even if the tenants are unemployed.
One of a pair of identical twins is always evil.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry about which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
It doesn't matter if you are greatly outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts. Your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have dispatched their predecessors.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible but slightly blue.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to be a world-famous expert on nuclear fission, dinosaurs, hieroglyphics, or anything else, at the age of 22.
Honest and hard-working policemen are usually gunned down a day or two before retirement.
Rather than wasting cheap bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies using complex machinery involving fuses, deadly gasses, lasers, buzz saws and hungry sharks, all of which will give their captives at least 20 minutes to escape, and they (and their henchmen) never have time to watch your demise.
During all crime investigations, it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
All beds have special L-shaped covers that reach up to the armpits of a woman but only to the waist of the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one loaf of French bread and one bunch of carrots with leafy tops.
It's easy to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
If you are beautiful, your makeup never rubs off, even while scuba-diving or fighting aliens. However if you are overweight or ugly, your mascara will run and your lipstick will smear.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty, without getting dirty, and without being heard.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the terrible mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language. English spoken in a cheesy German accent will do.
A man will show no pain while taking the most horrific beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his resulting wounds.
If staying in a haunted house, women must investigate any strange noises in their most diaphanous underwear, which is what they happened to be wearing when the car broke down.
If someone says "I'll be right back," they won't.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel from time to time.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
A police detective can only solve a case after he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will be able to mirror all the steps you come up with, and can hear the music in your head.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure each is assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
YOU WILL NEVER SEE THIS HAPPEN AGAIN..
YOU WILL NEVER SEE THIS HAPPEN AGAIN..
THIS IS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE..........
Harry Truman was a different kind of President. He probably
made as many, or more important decisions regarding our nation's
history as any of the other 42 Presidents preceding him. However,
a measure of his greatness may rest on what he did after he
left the White House.
The only asset he had when he died was the house he lived in, which
was in Independence Missouri . His wife had inherited the house
from her mother and father and other than their years in the
White House, they lived their entire lives there.
When he retired from office in 1952, his income was a U.S. Army
pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a year. Congress,
noting that he was paying for his stamps and personally licking
them, granted him an 'allowance' and, later, a retroactive
pension of $25,000 per year.
After President Eisenhower was inaugurated, Harry and Bess
drove home to Missouri by themselves. There was no
Secret Service following them.
When offered corporate positions at large salaries, he declined,
stating, "You don't want me. You want the office of the President,
and that doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the American people
and it's not for sale."
Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was preparing to
award him the Medal of Honor on his 87th birthday, he refused
to accept it, writing, "I don't consider that I have done
anything which should be the reason for any award,
Congressional or otherwise."
As president he paid for all of his own travel expenses and food.
Modern politicians have found a new level of success in
cashing in on the Presidency, resulting in untold wealth.
Today, many in Congress also have found a way to become
quite wealthy while enjoying the fruits of their offices.
Political offices are now for sale. (sic. Illinois )
Good old Harry Truman was correct when he observed, "My
choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house
or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly
any difference!
I say dig him up and clone him!!
THIS IS THE WAY IT SHOULD BE..........
Harry Truman was a different kind of President. He probably
made as many, or more important decisions regarding our nation's
history as any of the other 42 Presidents preceding him. However,
a measure of his greatness may rest on what he did after he
left the White House.
The only asset he had when he died was the house he lived in, which
was in Independence Missouri . His wife had inherited the house
from her mother and father and other than their years in the
White House, they lived their entire lives there.
When he retired from office in 1952, his income was a U.S. Army
pension reported to have been $13,507.72 a year. Congress,
noting that he was paying for his stamps and personally licking
them, granted him an 'allowance' and, later, a retroactive
pension of $25,000 per year.
After President Eisenhower was inaugurated, Harry and Bess
drove home to Missouri by themselves. There was no
Secret Service following them.
When offered corporate positions at large salaries, he declined,
stating, "You don't want me. You want the office of the President,
and that doesn't belong to me. It belongs to the American people
and it's not for sale."
Even later, on May 6, 1971, when Congress was preparing to
award him the Medal of Honor on his 87th birthday, he refused
to accept it, writing, "I don't consider that I have done
anything which should be the reason for any award,
Congressional or otherwise."
As president he paid for all of his own travel expenses and food.
Modern politicians have found a new level of success in
cashing in on the Presidency, resulting in untold wealth.
Today, many in Congress also have found a way to become
quite wealthy while enjoying the fruits of their offices.
Political offices are now for sale. (sic. Illinois )
Good old Harry Truman was correct when he observed, "My
choices in life were either to be a piano player in a whore house
or a politician. And to tell the truth, there's hardly
any difference!
I say dig him up and clone him!!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
This Country is in Trouble
We are in trouble....
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the
work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal
government.
Leaving 20 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied
with killing Osama Bin-Laden.
Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city Governments.. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons..
That leaves just two people to do the
work.
You and me.
And there you are,
Sitting on your ass,
At your computer, reading jokes...
Nice. Real nice.
We are in trouble....
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the
work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal
government.
Leaving 20 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied
with killing Osama Bin-Laden.
Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city Governments.. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals.
Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons..
That leaves just two people to do the
work.
You and me.
And there you are,
Sitting on your ass,
At your computer, reading jokes...
Nice. Real nice.
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