PONDERISMS

PONDERISMS


1 I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

2 The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a rplacement.

3 There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

4 Life is sexually transmitted.

5 Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

6 The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

7 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

8 Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

9 Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again

10 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

11 In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

12 How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

13 If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

14 Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

15 Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

16 Is the muscle relaxer working now?

17 Why is there an expiration date on "sour" cream?