Breaking News.... Lance Armstrong Fired From Paper Route.

Breaking News.... Lance Armstrong Fired From Paper Route.

Obama / Romney... Michele Obama said that the first car Barack picked her up in was so old,

that you could see the ground below them. Not to be out done, Ann Romney said the same thing

about Mitt’s helicopter.

Florida News... Governor Scott started a toll-free meningitis hotline, but accidentally gave out the

number of a phone sex line. People in Florida are upset. They would like to treat their meningitis

without the side effect of going blind.

The Election as we know it... Would you believe that more than half a billion dollars have been

spent on presidential campaign ads so far. It is a good thing that our schools and roads are in such

good shape or I’d be really mad.

Russia... Some Russians are still claiming that Vladimir Putin’s election was rigged and that he has no

legitimate claim to power. Do you know what these Russians are called ?....... MISSING !

Bidden... Did you catch this dirt bag laughing at the last debate with Ryan ? Biden continues to remind

me of the criminal that has gotten away with murder and then begins sending the cops puzzle notes

with cut out alphabet letters to figure it out.

Lewinsky... Yep, she’s at it again. Monica is writing a book about her affair with Bill Clinton. Now I’m

waiting for the audio book. Monica is sure to produce a most successful “oral history.”

Bieber Update... During a recent concert on tour, Justin Bieber vomited twice on stage. Once is an

accident, but if it happens twice, maybe the songs are trying to tell you something.

Publishing News... Arnold Schwarzenegger’s book is doing well. In it he says that, “cheating on Maria

was the stupidest thing he ever has done in his lifetime.” Excuse me Arnold, but not to those of us

that have seen your movies.

Just some notes...

1. When life gives you lemons...use them as a garnish for a little something on the rocks.

2. There’s a way of transferring funds that is faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage.

3. Remember; Men have feelings too. For example; We feel hungry.

4. Wives. If your husband says he’ll fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

5. Playboy reportedly offered Sarah Palin $4,000,000 to pose nude in an upcoming issue. Michelle Obama       was offered $50 by National Geographic.

6. In other news........ we all remember when KFC offered a "Hillary"meal, consisting of 2 small breasts and 2 large thighs.

7. Now, KFC is offering the "Obama Cabinet Bucket". It consists of nothing but left wings and chicken shit.

Question of the Week... What’s the Vegan answer to fish sticks ? Answer...... Stick sticks.

From me... Last night I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim.

And Mary... Just so you know... Mary’s cell number has nothing to do with her phone. And last week, somebody stole her identity, today, they showed up at the front door and pleaded for her to take it back.

Just found this beautiful Love Story and want to share it with ya'll.

Dear H.T.,

I will seek and find you.I shall take you to bed and have my way with you.I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & and groan. I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop. I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you. And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

Heartwarming now isnt it. Now get your mind out of the gutter and go get your flu shot!

Just keeping you up to date, as this is my civic duty.

gonna nap now....see ya....H.T.